DAY 79:SCARED AS HELL BUT DOING IT ANYWAY GRATITUDE!

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It’s 10:00 am, Saturday morning, I’m performing the regular ritual, music, snacks, mats. My mind-chatter is on over-drive as I unload props, leaf through my notes, blabber away endlessly to my awesome workshop partner Renee. She recognizes the drill, has partnered with me on many a workshop, let’s me talk, process. She always agrees with me, knowing that no matter what I say, present moment awareness will kick in when the workshop begins and our natural rhythm will overtake any momentary uneasiness on my part.

How ironic, I think, that we are beginning an exploration of muladarah chakra.  The root chakra, the first chakra; located at the perineum, all about self-actuality, Who am I, embodied, addressing my relationship to existential fear:  Am I enough, just as I am, in this present moment? Today, as we unravel, we begin with asana, breath and inner awareness, waiting to witness what reveals. It’s a doozy of a session, all of us riding the wave of disequilibrium as we surrender into the journey of establishing a deeper relationship to our True selves.

This is muddy, murky, messy work. As we share in the room at the end of a long guided yoga nidra meditation, I remind everyone that this journey brings us back to ourselves with more joy, abundant peace, fearless freedom and a sense of limitless possibility that inspires to feel the fear and do it anyway. It takes consistent day to day practice and invites a variety of fears; old and new, resolved and unresolved, fresh and old as the hills. Bring snacks, I say, and maybe your favorite blankie, hold on tight to what matters and be gentle with yourself; the ride requires ample comfort. All growth does not have to be rooted in inexorable pain.

And so we grow, this 5th Saturday of 12. It’s real, raw and beautiful. How wondrous to sacredly meet, once a week, and uphold, support and love one another, in the moment, the best that we can. I harken back to two hours previous, scared, scattered and scavenging for help, I realize that the care began in that moment; I spoke and Renee listened. Such a simple exchange, so lovingly done, acknowledging my fear and inviting me to move forward intrepidly anyway. And so I did….

 

 

About livebig365

Join me as I dive in to the deep end of the pool and challenge myself to live big and love big. What does that mean? In 2012 , I accepted the invitation to push myself beyond my comfort zone, at least once a day, and engaged and responded to my life, or a given situation in my life, in a way that would normally scare the hell out of me. Why did I do it it? Because it was time time to begin, and I was ready! Each day brought a new revelation, lesson, challenge, encounter, a teaching moment, that revealed to me that living big and loving big are uniquely interconnected. Welcome 2013, the year of lovebig 365. Each post was an expression of love experienced, witnessed, inspired, manifested. It didn't always make sense in the moment, and yet its sheer mystery hopefully evoked a beautiful affirmation of life and all of its shimmery brightness; broken up, lovely to behold, tender and full of purpose. 2014, jagged, bumpy, disjointed posts. 2015, silence, and plenty of growth within that silence. Manifesting 2016: The creation of a gathering place for gratitude. Join in the wavering, audacious, unequivocal fun. 2017: Reflection 2018: POWER, MAGIC, TRANSFORMATION
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