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It’s been a f*cking awful week, and it’s only Tuesday. I’ve done everything I need to do and I’m still arriving depleted, worn-out, and worst of all, completely uninterested. It’s been the kind of week where Bevie, normally my most loyal of sidekicks said to me: “Look, sometimes you take four steps forward and six steps back. It sucks, I’m sorry.”My only response is to worry the frayed edge of the seam of the couch with my index finger, hoping perhaps to ground myself to something less, well, honest.

The things I hold onto hold me back, corral my enthusiasm into a really tight bud, yoke me to my mind chatter, reinforce my incompleteness. I dabble for a moment and feel all the feelings; misery, resentment, anger, grief and the tender ache that I recognize as a trigger for self-doubt, a sure self-sabotage. But I don’t attach, I just watch and allow.

Out of the blue, somewhere from the ether of the opposite, my phone rings and my Champion-maker is on the other end. “It’s time,” she says. “I am more than f*cking ready,” I say back to her. And even in this rather audacious acceptance, a softening occurs, that long-awaited stillness at the bottom of the exhale; an upholding and uplifting, a connection and belonging, light where the dimness threatened to overshadow. I am undone, lit up, trusting, ready once more to walk one another home, knowing within the depths of my heart that she’ll be right there beside me, never letting go.

Stay tuned….I have picked a non-profit in St. Paul with whom I am hoping to generate a unique and compelling partnership. Details to follow as to how you can as well. Let’s light these candles together!





About livebig365

Join me as I dive in to the deep end of the pool and challenge myself to live big and love big. What does that mean? In 2012 , I accepted the invitation to push myself beyond my comfort zone, at least once a day, and engaged and responded to my life, or a given situation in my life, in a way that would normally scare the hell out of me. Why did I do it it? Because it was time time to begin, and I was ready! Each day brought a new revelation, lesson, challenge, encounter, a teaching moment, that revealed to me that living big and loving big are uniquely interconnected. Welcome 2013, the year of lovebig 365. Each post was an expression of love experienced, witnessed, inspired, manifested. It didn't always make sense in the moment, and yet its sheer mystery hopefully evoked a beautiful affirmation of life and all of its shimmery brightness; broken up, lovely to behold, tender and full of purpose. 2014, jagged, bumpy, disjointed posts. 2015, silence, and plenty of growth within that silence. Manifesting 2016: The creation of a gathering place for gratitude. Join in the wavering, audacious, unequivocal fun. 2017: Reflection 2018: POWER, MAGIC, TRANSFORMATION
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2 Responses to DAY 33: GRATITUDE X 1000

  1. Linda R Neff says:

    And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anais Nin

    xoxo to you my friend.


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