I was asked tonight after teaching a class if I was ever depressed. It was obvious that the person asking wanted me to answer no. I guess from the outside looking in, I appear to have it all together in the serenity department. I responded, less than I used to be; that balance between ease and effort can sometimes still be elusive. I believe, for me, it’s meant to be that way.
I’m actually grateful for the tension. It challenges me. I have to consistently work against my own inclination to prove myself by surrendering in the moment to an acceptance, (I call it a softening in yoga), to the potential inherent expansion, without needing to realize the outcome. It’s honestly, on a daily basis, the work of my life.
In the moments that there is an equanimous relationship between ease and effort my life can be filled with wonder and magic and a connection to my own essential nature that feels light and free and full of bliss. Those are great days. I might win the Powerball Lottery or score big in the love department, completely realize the life of my dreams and deliver big dreams to others in return.
And then there are other moments; the temperature is minus five degrees during the day, I’m schlepping my Ikea bags laden with props into my fourth appointment of the day, I need to pick up some Advil at Target, where harnessing the ananda requires a focus, commitment and connection to the joy of exploration that I have learned to trust, in spite of myself. And honestly, those are good days as well. I have gratefully discovered that I require both ease and effort to grow, to cultivate, and ultimately to honor all that I am, and all that I will ultimately become. Such beautiful awareness….So much space to blossom anew….Much, much more to come….