I must confess that for a long time in my life, it was easier to hold myself at a distance with almost everyone I came into contact than to actually wholeheartedly put myself out there. So much of my life had been about control and fear that there was very little room for well, open honest communication. I found myself, often, in relationships with people where the strain to love them as they were, was totally incomprehensible to me. My mind believed that they had to change, and I was the one who had been chosen to change them.
Now, on reflection this reads like classic co-dependent behavior. And I actually feel deep tenderness and some sadness for the me I used to be when I hung on so fervently to control. The truth is I had spent so much of my life loving and engaging with people in this stilted yet frenzied fashion that I did not even realize how cut off I was from my true self; how much my behavior was rooted in fear: A fear of happiness, change, true love, finding myself.
I began to change this way of living when the pain of living this way became greater than I could bear. And there were three simple steps that I took to unravel and transform, day by day, sometimes minute by minute, for the last 6 years, that form the foundation of my life and the way I live, love and engage with others.
PRAYER: I speak out loud, from my heart, sometimes on my knees, (I know), with a Power Greater than Myself every single day. Actually a good way for me to begin each and every day.
MEDITATION: I listen and breathe waiting to discern the Spirit of God all around me and within me. If I’m patient I always receive an answer.
FELLOWSHIP: I have wonderful friends, family, work colleagues, funky partners, people who accept and love me as I am. And I have learned how to lean into their love, blossom out in front of them; unabashedly and audaciously lay myself out there, knowing that to live and love big requires me to trust in the love, however funky it might be, that shimmers all around me all of the time.
I’m alive, I work hard and I’m proud of my life and myself.
It’s a sweet and luminous thing.
Big Loving Namaste!