DAY 75: HUNTING FOR GRATITUDE ON AN UPSIDE DOWN DAY!

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This is the kind of day it has been:

I just wrote an e-mail to my friend Riette, essentially apologizing for not completing something for her as promised with the following words: “Sorry. Will be done tomorrow. I need to meditate, write my blog post and blow my brains out!” Metaphorically speaking, of course.

The truth is I am trying to do too many things at once to get the livebig365 Serenity Space up and running smoothly and the rushing is causing me to think and act, well, rather crazily. Tough confession, and it hurts a little to say it out loud, but today pretty much seals it.

I think rushing is a response to fear. And in my case I believe I fell into some ego traps believing that if I didn’t make things happen in the way I imagined they were meant to happen, then, everything would fail. I know, I know, sometimes my big, fragile ego makes an unannounced appearance. I wish it didn’t happen, but hey, it still happens. It’s honestly the crazy response part that galls me more than the fear.

Here’s where the funky throwdown begins:

  1. I know fear like this isn’t real. I’ve been in this place more than enough times in my life to know that it really is false evidence appearing real. (Gratitude 1 – Fear 0)
  2. Everything is moving along really smoothly. Glitches are bound to occur. It’s my attitude that will carry me through. (Even)
  3. Rushing has never ever gotten me anywhere worthwhile. This, from a woman who got married at 5 day’s notice. (Gratitude 2 – Fear 0). Will always be a battle for me.
  4. Present Moment Awareness, with a healthy dose of self-awareness/revelation thrown in for good measure wins out over attachment to fear every single time. (Gratitude 3 -0)
  5. Sometimes, it’s just time to stop; reflect, forgive myself, pray, meditate and surrender. I’m amending this sentence to always! (Total Kudos to gratitude for that realization).
  6. I’ll be o.k. (Big Gratitude for that one)

Grateful for all of you. Thanks for the reading and the support.

Big Loving Namaste!

About livebig365

Join me as I dive in to the deep end of the pool and challenge myself to live big and love big. What does that mean? In 2012 , I accepted the invitation to push myself beyond my comfort zone, at least once a day, and engaged and responded to my life, or a given situation in my life, in a way that would normally scare the hell out of me. Why did I do it it? Because it was time time to begin, and I was ready! Each day brought a new revelation, lesson, challenge, encounter, a teaching moment, that revealed to me that living big and loving big are uniquely interconnected. Welcome 2013, the year of lovebig 365. Each post was an expression of love experienced, witnessed, inspired, manifested. It didn't always make sense in the moment, and yet its sheer mystery hopefully evoked a beautiful affirmation of life and all of its shimmery brightness; broken up, lovely to behold, tender and full of purpose. 2014, jagged, bumpy, disjointed posts. 2015, silence, and plenty of growth within that silence. Manifesting 2016: The creation of a gathering place for gratitude. Join in the wavering, audacious, unequivocal fun. 2017: Reflection 2018: POWER, MAGIC, TRANSFORMATION
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