Self Portrait

It doesn’t interest me if there is one God
or many gods.
I want to know if you belong or feel
If you know despair or can see it in others.
I want to know
if you are prepared to live in the world
with its harsh need
to change you. If you can look back
with firm eyes
saying this is where I stand. I want to know
if you know
how to melt into that fierce heat of living
falling toward
the center of your longing. I want to know
if you are willing
to live, day by day, with the consequence of love
and the bitter
unwanted passion of your sure defeat.

I have heard, in that fierce embrace, even
the gods speak of God.

— David Whyte
from Fire in the Earth 
©1992 Many Rivers Press

So, I’ve been thinking, which is not necessarily a great thing. Nevertheless, I believe in this case I’m beginning to shift, as a result of the thinking, into a place that is really quite powerful for me.

Those of you who have read the blog for a while have more than an inkling that I am a woman in the middle of a fabulous transformation. I have not been unwilling to lay it out there, warts and all, in an effort to build upon the strong foundation I created for myself out of a lot of adversity that was really heaped upon me by my choice to stay in a marriage that was incredibly unhealthy and ultimately very destructive for me.

I learned a hell of a lot from surviving that experience. And one of the primary buttresses that support my foundation revolves around an assurance and a confidence that I will never ever be in any kind of abusive relationship again. It’s awesome to be able to state that kind of promise out loud.

I meet a lot of men and women, through my livebig365 yoga health and wellness business, that are initially stuck in places of resistance and fear, oftentimes based upon disconnected relationships they have with themselves that extend into dysfunctional relationships they have or have had with others. What surprises me is that the primary emotion that emerges from those relationships is shame. And in yoga, shame tends to manifest physically as a dropping of the head, a closing off of the heart, whenever any physical pain is experienced in asana (posture practice).

I always gently suggest that they raise their heads, look forward, release their hearts from the bondage of themselves, and most importantly, let go of their shame for their own sake, and the sake of the people they love. I’m able to offer this invitation because I lived in shame myself for so many years in my life.

I’m grateful to be able to say that I’m over all of it now. And the practice of yoga both on and off the mat was definitely a catalyst, as was the detaching with love from some really unhealthy people that I had chosen to be surrounded. It also helped to have the support and love of some really beautiful souls.

Today, with that support, I am able to step boldly and fiercely into a life that is full of light and hope and purpose. I share my experience, strength and hope with others, believing that all connection can result in a life lived more fully, to its greatest expression, in love with the propulsion of everlasting love.

I was broken open, picked myself up, and have emerged through a lot of hard work with the fiercest determination to help others meet their own hearts; wide open and full of wonder. In less than 3 weeks I will be moving into my new livebig 365 Serenity Salon; 1100 square feet of sublime loveliness whose express purpose is to open itself up to the community at large; in abundance, fun, restoration, rejuvenation and promise. It’s going to be a really good time!

It’s a great big world out there and I’m living in it completely; transformed and beautiful, my hope is that we will begin to build this community together.

Stay tuned!

Big Love and even bigger Namaste!

About livebig365

Join me as I dive in to the deep end of the pool and challenge myself to live big and love big. What does that mean? In 2012 , I accepted the invitation to push myself beyond my comfort zone, at least once a day, and engaged and responded to my life, or a given situation in my life, in a way that would normally scare the hell out of me. Why did I do it it? Because it was time time to begin, and I was ready! Each day brought a new revelation, lesson, challenge, encounter, a teaching moment, that revealed to me that living big and loving big are uniquely interconnected. Welcome 2013, the year of lovebig 365. Each post was an expression of love experienced, witnessed, inspired, manifested. It didn't always make sense in the moment, and yet its sheer mystery hopefully evoked a beautiful affirmation of life and all of its shimmery brightness; broken up, lovely to behold, tender and full of purpose. 2014, jagged, bumpy, disjointed posts. 2015, silence, and plenty of growth within that silence. Manifesting 2016: The creation of a gathering place for gratitude. Join in the wavering, audacious, unequivocal fun. 2017: Reflection 2018: POWER, MAGIC, TRANSFORMATION
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