AAH the sweet relief of my gracious edgy lovely family emerging unscathed and dare I say slightly less jaded as a group of 6 from our holiday festivities today. So many potential trap doors replete with old behaviors and corresponding reactions. And yet the intent and the desire from the very beginning of the day was one of love, lightness and this strong desire to move forward in a way that directly reflected all that we wished to be to one another; everything that could be celebrated, that bore thanksgiving.
It’s weird to be divorced in this environment, as the word alone, and all the ensuing bullshit that emerges from the initial action, implies a violent and everlasting wrenching apart. And for a long time, I must confess, my mindset was definitely oriented in this direction. Yet what has begun to emerge. and I truly believe that it emanates out of the hearts of all six of us, is a gentle and precious coming together that is as integral to the Big living of our respective spirits as any freedom expressed in the living and loving apart.
I honestly don’t know how to make sense of it at all, other than to be grateful for it. Celebrating our family, such as it is, in the moment, seems to me to be a divine invitation to open myself up to a vulnerable complete love that is inspiring, tender and sweet. I was proud of us today and imminently filled up with a brightness and an assuredness that, within myself, I believed completely in who I was and how I intended to be, uninhibited, hopeful, enlivened and free.
I’ve posted often recently about being irrevocably, and I believe divinely, changed. And it is evident in so many small ways that manifest BIG. We sat today, after cooking together, all six of us, for almost eight hours straight, and ate at the old dining room table. We just wanted to be together this year and we were, without expectation, shimmering a tenuous yet fervent love.
I believe it always existed within all of us. And I also believe, divorce notwithstanding, that it is the love that defines us, tends to our sometimes broken hearts, and is the vibration we will return to over and over and over again as it guides us onward in this spiraly unfathomable beautiful journey of a life tenderly lived.
Love you Seb, Dyl, Sash, G, and Rupes……