So, it’s really great and oftentimes gratifying to be out there in the real world, feeling spontaneously fantastic about myself; capable, expansive, genuinely illuminated. At those moments, which quite honestly occur more and more frequently, I love what I see and earnestly believe that it is a reflection of the authentic me. There is that easy flowing sense of connection to the Universe, I feel strongly that I am rushing headlong into a love for life that defines my truest person; everything is awesome and I become giddy and breathless with the sheer joy of it.
I connect to this positive way of living with a strong sense of assurance and gratitude because I am so deeply acquainted with its opposite; judgement. I sometimes don’t like the way I feel when I’m with other people, places and things. The emotions run the gamut from fear to outright frustration and convoluted confusion. I find myself repeating the word why, over and over and over again in my head. It’s a question without an answer, because, quite frankly it’s really none of my business.
The bigger kicker however, is that what I see in others that I do not like, really reveals an aspect of myself within myself that I feel a similar, and possibly deeper, revulsion (not too strong a word). And, I’ve suppressed it, only to have it engage and emerge in the character of someone or something else. Fantastic, really, isn’t it?
What do I do with this revelation? How do I deal with character traits within me that I had hoped would somehow go away if I just didn’t really think about them anymore? And why, as I begin to become happier and happier does this judgement show up with even greater frequency? Because it is meant to stop. And that is exactly what I have begun to do.
I have stopped judging; myself and others. It’s really that simple, and quite honestly immediately and completely freeing. It is as if I was a caged bird who was released through a previously unopened door; flying at her own behest, whisking through the whimsy of her own life well lived. And with that freedom came an awesome revelation: I have no need for negative feelings because, quite honestly, they really have no basis in reality.
I know that tough challenges and sad sad experiences are a part of life. I am not, for a moment, negating any of the really awful things and challenging people that I have so far encountered in my life. I’m actually quite sure there will be more of both of these and then some; such is the glorious, messy wonder of being alive.
I have learned this year that attaching negative emotion to anything is really more of an indication of my desire to live small and fearful than it is a reflection of the actually resplendent possibilities inherent in continuing to be who I really am….. As a result of this newly uncovered conviction, I have begun to STOP, quietly and shimmeringly STOP, each and every time I begin to judge any person, place or thing (including and most especially myself), negatively. I just don’t do it anymore. It really serves no purpose in my livebig life.
It’s a practice built upon a strong and effervescent heart-oriented desire to really really live as BIG as I possibly can. This BIGNESS is not showy or self-centered (I hope) or well defined. It’s me oriented outwards towards you and you and you in love with life and the everlasting loveliness of all of it.
Big Namaste tonight. This was a huge one for me!