“Remember, most of the things you think you need are ego trips designed to bolster your image and your perception of security…. You’ll waste a lot of energy satisfying your ego only to find that, as soon as it’s got what it wants, it ignores all your efforts and promptly nails another list of demands to your forehead. The ego will always try to force you to slave for its vision. I wouldn’t stand for that BS if I were you.”
— Stuart Wilde
I drove to the Oldwick General Store today after my first client. I’ve been craving their grilled swiss on rye with tomatoes and mustard for about 4 weeks. I could have gone earlier but I had to think about if for a while. The Oldwick General Store played a significant role, at least in my own mind, in the early part of my marriage. And I have to confess, for some reason I thought it might make me feel sad to go back there. Thank God I let my stomach win out, and the real kicker is that I wasn’t sad at all! It was just great to be back and to eat something so so yummy.
Oftentimes when I talk to people I know about the tenderness of my divorce, I try to explain how underneath all of the negative emotion during the times I really felt it, I believe was this deep deep belief in something better than that. What it took me a long time to uncover was that the foundation of what lay beneath was the soulful and awakened loveliness of me. It’s a quiet strength that invites me to be vulnerable, sometimes even unsure of what lies ahead and yet determined to be, softly and gently, just be.
With all of my yoga customers I speak so earnestly about release. I perceive this way of being as a relinquishment of the imprisoning nature of the ego followed by a subtle and nuanced shift to the wondrous beauty of the heart. Within that connection, I say, is the essence of who you really are. And for me the freedom found within the release is so profound and limitless that I’m no longer constrained by any of my old thoughts, traumas, holding patterns, even belief systems, that weighed me down and tired me out for so many decades.
Now that I’ve reached 295 posts, I’ve begun to look back at some of the early one’s; and I’ve discovered, much like the delicious grilled sandwich that I scarfed down in my car today, that most experiences, even those infused with an achy longing, have their place within the essence of the real me and open me up layer by layer to be light and loving and so full of hope. Everything is more than o.k today. I’m happy and real and leaning into my heart; wide open as always and looking forward to all that lies ahead.