I got issued a challenge a week ago by my friend Rev. Richard as part of his 40 days to Thanksgiving: 100 times a day I am to say the sentence I am grateful for _____, and fill in the blank. This week my list has run the gamut from my pink sneakers to my health to customer challenges. On one day I included the rain, mostly because it was annoying the hell out of me.
My mind began its elliptical drift and the giving of thanks began to loop back in on itself; I heard myself be grateful for gratitude on more than one occasion. I found myself in conversations with other people expressing gratitude for their strong listening skills, as I gamely went on and on and on about the graciousness of gratitude; all earnest and heart-felt and trusting, the way I always am when on a spiritual journey with Rev. Richard.
And it has been a helluva trek this week. I have not always made choices that have helped me to keep the path smooth and easy to walk. Sometimes, I have allowed my mind to slip back down the slippery slope of self-doubt; wallowing around for just a few moments in that fearful place that feels a lot like self-sabotage. Why? I’ve asked . Well, because I’m human and don’t always know the right answer. And if truth be told, I kind of trust myself and my relationship to a Power greater than myself well enough to know that I will, sooner rather than later, return to the peaceful, balanced climes of joy and well-being.
So, I’ve chosen to be grateful for this somewhat murky attitude; seeing it as more of a lesson in acceptance rather than a feeling to be eradicated. I’m breathing into it and wrapping my heart around the resistance to my life as I am presently living it; knowing from previous experience that, “this too shall pass.”
And it does, it always lovingly and silently does. I rest in gratitude, this week most especially for that…..I am grateful for the real pain of that reality; feeling the fullness of the experience, breathing into it mindfully and completely and letting pieces of the fear go on the exhale over and over and over again…….