DAY 293: WISHING AND HOPING AND LOVING AND DREAMING (NOT)!

I got issued a challenge a week ago by my friend Rev. Richard as part of his 40 days to Thanksgiving: 100 times a day I am to say the sentence I am grateful for _____, and fill in the blank. This week my list has run the gamut from my pink sneakers to my health to customer challenges. On one day I included the rain, mostly because it was annoying the hell out of me.

My mind began its elliptical drift and the giving of thanks began to loop back in on itself; I heard myself be grateful for gratitude on more than one occasion. I found myself in conversations with other people expressing gratitude for their strong listening skills, as I gamely went on and on and on about the graciousness of gratitude; all earnest and heart-felt and trusting, the way I always am when on a spiritual journey with Rev. Richard.

And it has been a helluva trek  this week. I have not always made choices that have helped me to keep the path smooth and easy to walk. Sometimes, I have allowed my mind to slip back down the slippery slope of self-doubt; wallowing around for just a few moments in that fearful place that feels a lot like self-sabotage. Why? I’ve asked . Well, because I’m human and don’t always know the right answer. And if truth be told, I kind of trust myself and my relationship to a Power greater than myself well enough to know that I will, sooner rather than later, return to the peaceful, balanced climes of joy and well-being.

So, I’ve chosen to be grateful for this somewhat murky attitude; seeing it as more of a lesson in acceptance rather than a feeling to be eradicated. I’m breathing into it and wrapping my heart around the resistance to my life as I am presently living it; knowing from previous experience that, “this too shall pass.”

And it does, it always lovingly and silently does. I rest in gratitude, this week most especially for that…..I am grateful for the real pain of that reality; feeling the fullness of the experience, breathing into it mindfully and completely and letting pieces of the fear go on the exhale over and over and over again…….

About livebig365

Join me as I dive in to the deep end of the pool and challenge myself to live big and love big. What does that mean? In 2012 , I accepted the invitation to push myself beyond my comfort zone, at least once a day, and engaged and responded to my life, or a given situation in my life, in a way that would normally scare the hell out of me. Why did I do it it? Because it was time time to begin, and I was ready! Each day brought a new revelation, lesson, challenge, encounter, a teaching moment, that revealed to me that living big and loving big are uniquely interconnected. Welcome 2013, the year of lovebig 365. Each post was an expression of love experienced, witnessed, inspired, manifested. It didn't always make sense in the moment, and yet its sheer mystery hopefully evoked a beautiful affirmation of life and all of its shimmery brightness; broken up, lovely to behold, tender and full of purpose. 2014, jagged, bumpy, disjointed posts. 2015, silence, and plenty of growth within that silence. Manifesting 2016: The creation of a gathering place for gratitude. Join in the wavering, audacious, unequivocal fun. 2017: Reflection 2018: POWER, MAGIC, TRANSFORMATION
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