I used to really really overthink, well, everything. I thought it was a great asset to figure, well, everything, out and then elucidate it to any willing participant. There was really no subject matter that I didn’t have a sermon prepared. I was well-armed with a deep arsenal of thoughts and opinions and rhapsodies meant to impress, instill wisdom and lessen fear. It was exhausting stuff. On reflection, I was rarely truly happy.
Behaving in such a frantic fashion was really just an awful habit, a holding pattern, coping mechanism, whatever; borne out of emotional trauma long ago experienced. The whole damn thing wasn’t doing me any good, and it certainly didn’t instill any serenity. Nevertheless, I stuck with it because, quite frankly, I really didn’t know any better.
I honestly feel a lot of empathy and compassion for this former fearful self; a woman so afraid to really live, feel the feelings and learn over time how to love herself unconditionally. Fortunately, she no longer exists.
I learned, honestly, in the hardest and most painful way possible, that the easiest route to happiness was in accepting the invitation to dispel and discard the overthinking, the addiction to my head, and take up the mantle of embracing my heart. And to do it really really simply: Prayer, meditation and the support and unconditional love of peole, places and things that have my best interest at heart.
I’ve confessed this simple strategy before, in several blog posts; equating the concepts of awareness, acceptance action to the truly spiritual process of letting go. Even in that action, I aimed for the heart, treated myself gently, kept keeping on, and tried my best to completely and unconditionally trust the process; becoming truly happy takes time.
And it’s a daily practice; one I enjoy because I have learned to love myself so much, stay close to the things that work and keep it simple, really really simple.
Ta Dah, I’m happy.
Here’s to hoping for tomorrow.