It’s not that I ever really had a no holds barred attitude. Quite honestly, it’s usually always been the exact opposite; overanalyzing everything and pseudo-intellectualizing from every angle, ultimately coming to some kind of hyper-inflated erroneous conclusion. If it reads complicated, just imagine what it must have been like to live within it!
I think, most of the time I was just afraid to really live and wasn’t quite sure how to keep it simple; appreciating and caring about myself. I didn’t really believe in me, in any capacity, and as a result sort of sloshed around in the muckety-muck of my sometimes miserable thinking; it was a muddy, heavy place to be. My edges were blurry and poorly defined and my life kind of limped along accordingly.
I’m reflecting back for just a moment tonight because I had an experience today, a subtle, nuanced shift, that really showed me how well-defined and sharp my edge has become: I thanked a friend of my ex-husband’s, in person, for helping my kids She made their lives a little easier as a result of her unselfish efforts at a time when they really needed it. I believe I used the word awesome to describe her actions. And I really meant it!
Let me be clear, even though I have wanted to thank this person for a while, I expressed my gratitude to her today primarily because I was finally able to sincerely do so, and, more importantly, because I want to continue to expand and grow myself with integrity and love. It’s not a selfish motivation. In fact, for me, I am now able to see this kind of self-expression as quite a healthy inclination towards a more inspired life.
I’m finally aware enough of where I am at in my life to have the desire to want to take positive action that will lead to greater transformation and renewal. And I can accept that the manifestation of those kinds of heart-centered actions will result in greater opportunities to love and serve myself and others with abundant joy and utmost humility.
These kinds of shifts have the potential to discombobulate, shake me up. And this kind of movement, I have learned, is a really really good thing for me. It invites me outside of my normally understood boundaries, into the landscape of the new me, where I find a lusher more bountiful and beautiful person; open, vulnerable, brave and in awe of herself.
I’m moving that person forward, one sometimes shaky step at a time knowing that I am well supported: I’ve got the good strong hearts of many good strong people behind me, as well as a much firmer hold on my own ever-blossoming one. And any day of the week, the sheer pleasure of that kind of company cannot help but propel me onward.
Looking forward to the next Big edge and the next and the next and the next…..
As always, thanks for the awesome support. It is greatly appreciated.