I have the dubious distinction of being a person who, most of the time, acts and sounds like I know exactly what I’m doing; and to be honest, in terms of the regular day to day stuff, I’m pretty effective. Lately though, I have noticed, that when it comes to the big things I find myself simmering in a vat of unknown, and I’m pretty surprised by how calm and ok I am with all of it, most of the time anyway.
It’s funny how gracious redemptive action can come in many guises. Sometimes for me the package is eerily incomprehensible and I find myself having to return to the basics in order to be able to understand how to muddle my way through it: Prayer and meditation for awareness; journaling dreams and desires as if they already existed for acceptance; and forecasting forward with a trusted friend for action. And a bunch of yoga and breath work on the mat thrown in for good measure.
I don’t mean to sound pedantic, but I have been reassured, uplifted and transformed every single time that I have found myself in an incomprehensible situation and practiced these three simple steps. I want to believe that it is magic, but honestly, I know better. Grace opens up to me when I open up to grace. And grace always finds me and offers me the opportunity to surrender to the flow of the universe and a Power much much greater than myself if I so choose. And when I do life is big and bold and beautiful and fearless. And when I don’t well, I do eventually, usually in more pain than if I had just surrendered in the first place.
So, I’m living Big and sometimes struggling with it. Life is tender toward me in that way and I am grateful for the steps that I have learned over the years to bring things into sharper focus and proper perspective. Redemption, sometimes edgy, often uncompromising, always, ultimately, grand.