DAY 115: SELF-CENTEREDNESS….

I have a lot of experience with a certain kind of self-centeredness and it’s not the kind that is particularly productive; nor does it engender positive energy or feelings. I believe, for me, it always came from a weak and vulnerable place deep inside of my heart that I didn’t want to explore or investigate. So, naturally, I turned inward anyway, as a way perhaps of protecting and bringing more value to that place, that pain, than was necessary. It became my ultimate self-identification; and I was not happy surrounded by it but it was all-consuming. And the center of that Self was very very dark.

As a result I had little time for anything else. There was no opportunity for self- growth, development, transformation, as myself turned inward became generally preoccupied with that weaker self. And I gave off all of those vibrations in my interactions with others resulting in, of course, a similar vibrational energy in return. I operated within a very low place and even though I felt trapped by that Self, I didn’t believe that the very notion of me could be released, broken open even, to reveal something more powerful, beautiful and closer to my soul. Needless to say it took me a long time to release myself from it. The process was painful yet energizing at the same time and, rather ironically, forms the foundation for the business that I have created so simply in such a short period of time.

I meet a lot of people in my day to day life who have made a similar choice to the one I had made with regard to their sense of their selves. I am amazed at how much of my business is really about helping people to unstick themselves from the constrained and coiled up version of Self into something much more spirit-filled and hope-encompassed that defines a centering to self that manifests in a true love of self.

And that really is what it is all about! Through the grace of a Power much much greater than myself I learned how to love myself so that I could love and be loving to others and help them learn how to love themselves and repeat the process, hopefully into infinity. So that initial vortex of spiraly never-ending darkness, full of rest stops for bitterness, anger and resentment, ultimately straightened out and in gentle meandering fashion pointed the way towards a purposeful spirited self-centered in love kind of life.

I did it with yoga and meditation and prayer and life coaching and great nutrition and lots and lots and lots of good loving support. And, as I have said before in many a post, I sat in the rainstorm of self-acceptance for such a long long time. I guess, it was what I needed. The time it took is the time it took, and I believe, as a result of the experience, I have become the person I was truly meant to be; and became aware that the truly self-centered self blossoms enduring love, always fresh and replenishing.  And as I prepare for my departure to Haiti, now a mere week away, I am overwhelmed, joyful, excited and full of awe at the opportunity I have to share my newly self-centered self with all of the lovely people I have yet to meet.

 

About livebig365

Join me as I dive in to the deep end of the pool and challenge myself to live big and love big. What does that mean? In 2012 , I accepted the invitation to push myself beyond my comfort zone, at least once a day, and engaged and responded to my life, or a given situation in my life, in a way that would normally scare the hell out of me. Why did I do it it? Because it was time time to begin, and I was ready! Each day brought a new revelation, lesson, challenge, encounter, a teaching moment, that revealed to me that living big and loving big are uniquely interconnected. Welcome 2013, the year of lovebig 365. Each post was an expression of love experienced, witnessed, inspired, manifested. It didn't always make sense in the moment, and yet its sheer mystery hopefully evoked a beautiful affirmation of life and all of its shimmery brightness; broken up, lovely to behold, tender and full of purpose. 2014, jagged, bumpy, disjointed posts. 2015, silence, and plenty of growth within that silence. Manifesting 2016: The creation of a gathering place for gratitude. Join in the wavering, audacious, unequivocal fun. 2017: Reflection 2018: POWER, MAGIC, TRANSFORMATION
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