I have a lot of experience with a certain kind of self-centeredness and it’s not the kind that is particularly productive; nor does it engender positive energy or feelings. I believe, for me, it always came from a weak and vulnerable place deep inside of my heart that I didn’t want to explore or investigate. So, naturally, I turned inward anyway, as a way perhaps of protecting and bringing more value to that place, that pain, than was necessary. It became my ultimate self-identification; and I was not happy surrounded by it but it was all-consuming. And the center of that Self was very very dark.
As a result I had little time for anything else. There was no opportunity for self- growth, development, transformation, as myself turned inward became generally preoccupied with that weaker self. And I gave off all of those vibrations in my interactions with others resulting in, of course, a similar vibrational energy in return. I operated within a very low place and even though I felt trapped by that Self, I didn’t believe that the very notion of me could be released, broken open even, to reveal something more powerful, beautiful and closer to my soul. Needless to say it took me a long time to release myself from it. The process was painful yet energizing at the same time and, rather ironically, forms the foundation for the business that I have created so simply in such a short period of time.
I meet a lot of people in my day to day life who have made a similar choice to the one I had made with regard to their sense of their selves. I am amazed at how much of my business is really about helping people to unstick themselves from the constrained and coiled up version of Self into something much more spirit-filled and hope-encompassed that defines a centering to self that manifests in a true love of self.
And that really is what it is all about! Through the grace of a Power much much greater than myself I learned how to love myself so that I could love and be loving to others and help them learn how to love themselves and repeat the process, hopefully into infinity. So that initial vortex of spiraly never-ending darkness, full of rest stops for bitterness, anger and resentment, ultimately straightened out and in gentle meandering fashion pointed the way towards a purposeful spirited self-centered in love kind of life.
I did it with yoga and meditation and prayer and life coaching and great nutrition and lots and lots and lots of good loving support. And, as I have said before in many a post, I sat in the rainstorm of self-acceptance for such a long long time. I guess, it was what I needed. The time it took is the time it took, and I believe, as a result of the experience, I have become the person I was truly meant to be; and became aware that the truly self-centered self blossoms enduring love, always fresh and replenishing. And as I prepare for my departure to Haiti, now a mere week away, I am overwhelmed, joyful, excited and full of awe at the opportunity I have to share my newly self-centered self with all of the lovely people I have yet to meet.