I had it brought to my attention tonight, by a really good friend, that I had not really paid attention to something that was extremely important to him. My first reaction was the real and honest one: “I’m sorry, I had no idea.” I was struck immediately by the ease in which I said what I said, and the relative grace in which he received it. Such a difference from previous relationships in my life. To be able to be in a safe place with someone I care about and openly declare that I just didn’t really know: Totally blissful, quite frankly, and I laughed out loud from the sheer joy of it.

How many times I wondered had I previously held onto a general feeling of unease and insecurity after stating that I just didn’t know.  In fact, so afraid was I of those three words for such a long time, that I believe, I wasn’t even constitutionally capable of uttering them. I guess, to be honest, I was afraid that if I said I didn’t know, that the knowledge to figure it out just wasn’t there for me, I might have to actually admit to being vulnerable, unsure and generally just completely uneasy about life and my role in it.

So incredibly grateful I don’t operate in that vein any longer!

In the spirit of not knowing here’s the top four things, that used to hold me back regularly in no particular order, that I am now OK not knowing at all:

  1. Other people’s motives
  2. What’s going to happen tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow…
  3. The outcome of anything before I start it. I have my dreams and desires, but controlling the outcome is not my M.O. at all anymore.
  4. FEAR.

For now, I am content, resting in the freedom to be detached from knowing. Love really is enough!

Big Thank you to MM for opening me up to this one.


About livebig365

Join me as I dive in to the deep end of the pool and challenge myself to live big and love big. What does that mean? In 2012 , I accepted the invitation to push myself beyond my comfort zone, at least once a day, and engaged and responded to my life, or a given situation in my life, in a way that would normally scare the hell out of me. Why did I do it it? Because it was time time to begin, and I was ready! Each day brought a new revelation, lesson, challenge, encounter, a teaching moment, that revealed to me that living big and loving big are uniquely interconnected. Welcome 2013, the year of lovebig 365. Each post was an expression of love experienced, witnessed, inspired, manifested. It didn't always make sense in the moment, and yet its sheer mystery hopefully evoked a beautiful affirmation of life and all of its shimmery brightness; broken up, lovely to behold, tender and full of purpose. 2014, jagged, bumpy, disjointed posts. 2015, silence, and plenty of growth within that silence. Manifesting 2016: The creation of a gathering place for gratitude. Join in the wavering, audacious, unequivocal fun. 2017: Reflection 2018: POWER, MAGIC, TRANSFORMATION
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