The last 100 plus days on this livebig journey have been pretty heady and heart-heaving at the same time. I’m often overwhelmed at the nuanced way in which bigness has manifested. Oftentimes I arrive at my laptop, ready to begin, and start the gentle alchemic ritual of breathing and shifting through my mind and heart, waiting to feel what rises to the top.
Tonight transformation is in full force. I had two really significant encounters that juxtaposed kind of represent my past and my future. It’s pretty amazing stuff. This morning I had to meet with my ex-husband to help our youngest son (G) get a passport. It was a pre-planned encounter; done in 10 minutes, and went smoothly, without any residual negative emotion from me. I’m fine, I realize, I’m completely detached and I’ve let the whole damn thing go; in love with the possibilities inherent in my new life, fluttery, semi-poised and remarkably still.
This afternoon I met with my friend Cindy Alloway to begin the planning for our Haiti Mission trip. It’s 3 short weeks away. I’ll be working with a small group of Trauma Nurses in training and Cindy assisting women, many of whom have been victims of sexual torture and abuse, recover from the trauma associated with those crimes. Some of the women will be new mothers, some existing mothers with new babies, all still recovering from the devastating repercussions of the earthquake and the ensuing tragedies it created.
I’m so grateful and humbled by the opportunity.
Humbly submitting to the gracious swirly, always challenging offerings of the universe on a day to day basis has been, hands down, the scariest yet most empowering invitation of my life. I’m really at a loss for words, most of the time, over it. I did say to Cindy today that I truly believed there were so many ways that this opportunity could gently blossom and grow, but my one hope was that I could leave Haiti having created enough of a change in at least one woman’s life that she could carry on the work until I could return.
This trip is part of my new future. I know that there is money to be raised and yoga to be done and new and expansive energy and opportunity to create. And I guess I’m ready for it. I’m submitting in humility, in courage, with love, believing in the things that I can help to change; blessed, I step forward in hope.