When I was a lot younger than I am now, I was obsessed with the T.V. show Gilligan’s Island. If truth be told, I wanted to be Ginger (the movie star) and do the Professor (the handsome one) and felt like this fantasy, played out, would make me really happy. Now, I know, I didn’t look like Tina Louise and my ex was no Professor, but I do believe, in hindsight, that fantasy was at the core of my marriage.
It’s taken me a long time to get to a place where I can accept that the role that I played in my failed marriage for more than two decades was one that might as well have taken place on a studio lot in Hollywood California. Quite simply, I attached a persona to my now ex-husband that did not really exist, and as a result, I treated him as if he were that made-up in my head person. And he, being him, went right along with my fantasy, when it suited him.
I’m happy to say today that I am not on that island anymore in my head, my heart, or even in my spirit. I am a transformed person; emerging out of the fire of adversity with this hot swirling desire to live MY LIFE to it’s fullest, in love lovingly. And my reality just might include my very own Professor! This time though, in terms of relationships, I am Susan: broken-open, sweetly sweet, moving herself forward, blushing and earnest, infused with the power to reveal herself honestly, trusting in the goodness that invites and beckons her forward.