DAY 82: HEART-MELT SMACKDOWN!

I don’t think it’s an understatement to declare, when I’m just 9 months shy of 50, that my heart has taken it’s fair share of beatings. In the yoga world the imprints left by these negative experiences are called samskaras. They can impede the flow of energy, shakti, through the body, mind and spirit; expansive living can oftentimes be challenging. At least that is the theory.

I have experienced a fair number of confrontations with the samskaras in my life, and I’ve lived another day. There is definitely a “what the hell am I doing in this rut” kind of feeling attached to them. But, quite honestly, I believe the practice of living with and breathing through my samskaras to be a fairly healthy concept.

I’m not saying I like pain, because I definitely don’t; but I think what I am trying to explore here is the idea that sitting in a sort of aware and enlightened acceptance of those negative situations that I cannot change is not as life threatening as it used to feel to me. In fact, I believe my most recent experiences with these kinds of emotions have strengthened my trust in myself and my big old battered heart.

I lived with a lot of sadness on Thursday and Friday. The stuff that I felt was real, deeply  rooted and  a genuine acknowledgement that there is just some, for lack of a better word, shit, in my life that cannot be changed. And it’s sad. And I’m O.K. I lived with it, breathed through the wounded, murky feeling of it, got the support I needed, cried and prayed a lot and had faith that I would emerge on the other side, big beautiful heart intact.

And I did! Friday night frolicking included a really great friend and a hilariously bad one man band at my local haunt the Sidebar. So delicious to revel in the wispy loveliness of a gentle fun evening, smacked down, but not out, heart included. Such is the stuff of my life. Today, I am grateful for ALL of it.

About livebig365

Join me as I dive in to the deep end of the pool and challenge myself to live big and love big. What does that mean? In 2012 , I accepted the invitation to push myself beyond my comfort zone, at least once a day, and engaged and responded to my life, or a given situation in my life, in a way that would normally scare the hell out of me. Why did I do it it? Because it was time time to begin, and I was ready! Each day brought a new revelation, lesson, challenge, encounter, a teaching moment, that revealed to me that living big and loving big are uniquely interconnected. Welcome 2013, the year of lovebig 365. Each post was an expression of love experienced, witnessed, inspired, manifested. It didn't always make sense in the moment, and yet its sheer mystery hopefully evoked a beautiful affirmation of life and all of its shimmery brightness; broken up, lovely to behold, tender and full of purpose. 2014, jagged, bumpy, disjointed posts. 2015, silence, and plenty of growth within that silence. Manifesting 2016: The creation of a gathering place for gratitude. Join in the wavering, audacious, unequivocal fun. 2017: Reflection 2018: POWER, MAGIC, TRANSFORMATION
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