I don’t think it’s an understatement to declare, when I’m just 9 months shy of 50, that my heart has taken it’s fair share of beatings. In the yoga world the imprints left by these negative experiences are called samskaras. They can impede the flow of energy, shakti, through the body, mind and spirit; expansive living can oftentimes be challenging. At least that is the theory.
I have experienced a fair number of confrontations with the samskaras in my life, and I’ve lived another day. There is definitely a “what the hell am I doing in this rut” kind of feeling attached to them. But, quite honestly, I believe the practice of living with and breathing through my samskaras to be a fairly healthy concept.
I’m not saying I like pain, because I definitely don’t; but I think what I am trying to explore here is the idea that sitting in a sort of aware and enlightened acceptance of those negative situations that I cannot change is not as life threatening as it used to feel to me. In fact, I believe my most recent experiences with these kinds of emotions have strengthened my trust in myself and my big old battered heart.
I lived with a lot of sadness on Thursday and Friday. The stuff that I felt was real, deeply rooted and a genuine acknowledgement that there is just some, for lack of a better word, shit, in my life that cannot be changed. And it’s sad. And I’m O.K. I lived with it, breathed through the wounded, murky feeling of it, got the support I needed, cried and prayed a lot and had faith that I would emerge on the other side, big beautiful heart intact.
And I did! Friday night frolicking included a really great friend and a hilariously bad one man band at my local haunt the Sidebar. So delicious to revel in the wispy loveliness of a gentle fun evening, smacked down, but not out, heart included. Such is the stuff of my life. Today, I am grateful for ALL of it.