Sometimes, I go really quickly. I’m in a hurry to consume as much of my life as I possibly can; the Ms. Pac Man of living, gobbling away…… There’s not a lot of real genuine experience here, I’m just doing and repeating and doing and repeating, fairly oblivious to the doing and repeating. Noticing, reflecting, breathing and staying within myself and in the moment are undone by the need to be one step ahead of a life that I must stay on top of, at all costs. I think it’s about fear really, you know, kind of like, live big or die.
Today, I had the beginning and middle of one of those kind of days. I was ticking off accomplishments with speed and ease, admiring my own ability to stay on top of yoga classes and private clients and tutoring students and counseling children and building on the foundation of my new business concept, nary a hair out of place. I’m speeding towards a late afternoon date with a guy I really didn’t even want to go out with when suddenly, the whole thing came to a glorious splattering halt. He cancelled, at the last minute, in a text message.
Wow, I pause.
At first, I don’t know what to do and as this is the first time today that I’ve actually stopped to consider my own feelings, I’m genuinely surprised when I acknowledge, although rather begrudgingly, exhausted relief. I actually sat in my car in the parking lot for a full ten minutes before I did anything. It was just me and the radio and my own breath. And it felt pretty good.
So the end of my day looks like this: I made a cup of tea, put on my p.j.’s and went to bed. It was 5:15! And as I write this blog I’m really grateful for the opportunity to reflect on pausing; taking a BIG moment in my day to do absolutely nothing other than stop. It’s great. I’m going to do it more often. In fact, I made a pledge to myself, and I said it out loud, for all the universe to hear, that I would pause everyday, slow it down, surrender to the gentler moments in the height of the dizzying day, signifying perhaps, that my invitation to be open to grace might manifest and reveal a greater possibility and potential.
There just might be more bigness in life in the not doing. I’ll have to wait, and see.